Oh my god you have woken the wrong bear for this one.

- First off, they’d fall in love with little Mary the second their eyes land on her. 

- They’d spend an entire afternoon debating who gets to be ‘Papa’ and who was gets to be ‘Daddy’. 

- (Cas ends up being Papa)

- Dean would be the one panicking over whether they have enough diapers and oh my god Cas what if she doesn’t like the formula? And Cas would just pick out the cheapest of everything, and he ends up being banned from going to the store alone.

- Castiel would insist on reading her a bedtime story every night, but then turn around and make Dean read it because she likes your voice better, Dean, you know all she does is cry when I try and do it.

- Cas starts playing classical music during the day to ‘enhance Mary’s brain development’, but then one day Dean puts in one of his Rush tapes, and then the battle of the music begins.

- (Dean wins)

- Sam ends up cooing over her the most, and honestly it should annoy the hell out of Dean but it doesn’t.

- Dean special-orders Mary some little Metallica t-shirts. Cas only buys the cute animal ones. The bumblebee pajamas are his favorite.

- They have time slots for who goes and takes care of the crying baby at night. Mary only cries when it’s Dean’s turn, even after he switches times with his husband.

- When it’s time to send their daughter off to school, Cas is the one that frets over making sure she’s completely prepared, packing her two extra lunches along with enough tissues to wipe the asses of an entire family for a week. Dean just goes with it, letting Cas pick out everything.

- But Dean is the one who cries and sits in his car around the block, waiting for his little girl to finish her first day of preschool.

- Cas joins the PTA and he becomes the bane of their existence.

- No Helen, I am in charge of the bake sale because my husband can at least cook a batch of brownies without burning them!

- Even though he’s married, Cas attracts the attention of every single mother that goes to the meetings.

- When Mary gets older, they start hosting the most lavish birthday parties in the entire state of Kansas.

- (They get a fucking clown.)

- (Uncle Sam doesn’t show up to that party.)

- When Mary asks where her momma is, Cas just points at Dean, who’s cooking their dinner. It earns the blue-eyed man a slap to the side of the head and a little something extra in bed that night.

- Mary ends up being friends with Helen’s little gremlin. Cas and Helen get into passive-aggressive matches whenever she comes to drop off Jeffrey.

- In fourth grade, Mary gets a ‘boyfriend’ and Dean freaks out and drives to Sam’s house. He ends up crying in his car, again.

- Cas has to convince Dean not to get their daughter a .44 for her twelfth birthday. 

- (Sam ends up getting her one anyways.)

- Uncle Moose breaks in during the middle of the night for some milk and is nearly decapitated by Cas. Dean has a panic attack, and Mary won’t stop crying. 

- They take her to the shooting range the next day, just to make sure she knows how to fire her weapon. Anything could happen, Dean said on repeat on the drive there.

- Cas gets her a stuffed animal every year and Mary pretends like it’s not the most important part of every Christmas they celebrate.

- When Mary turns out to like One Direction, Dean is devastated.

- (He gets her backstage passes to a concert 200 miles away.)

- When Mary turns out to like a completely black-and-blue wardrobe, Cas is devastated.

- (He gets her black tie-dyed shirts instead of the rainbow ones he insists on buying.)

- When Mary gets asked to Homecoming in her sophomore year, Cas is the one to sneak out and follow her friend’s car all the way to the school, just to make sure she got there safely and without any detours.

- (Mary made faces at him the entire time.)

- Mary doesn’t cry when she gets dumped by her date, but her dads cook her hot chocolate and have an Indiana Jones marathon anyways.

- Cas is the one to cry when she goes away to college, Dean already having done so the week before. 

- They buy her every single thing they could think to get her for her dorm, and more.

- They call her every single night her first year away, and they throw parties whenever she comes home during break.

- But most importantly, they love her more than life itself. 

- (She loves her parents just as much.)